Creating Your Inner Circle to Gain Clarity
Sharpen Your Axe.
Abraham Lincoln famously said, "Give me six hours to chop down a tree, and I'll spend five hours sharpening the axe."
It’s a good quote. Most interpret it as emphasizing the need to prepare well before you tackle a job. But it takes me one step further.
I read it as also meaning that when you want to achieve something, you first become razor clear on what it is you want and why.
Such clarity — “sharpening your axe”— is what gives you power. If you simply go with the flow, lacking a concrete plan, you become vulnerable to the influences and goals of others. You may not cut down any trees at all. Without clarity, you could be living someone else's life, not your own.
Gaining Clarity
I believe that four of the most important decisions affecting the trajectory and quality of your life — your clarity — are these:
Who you spend your time with;
Where you live;
What you do for your life’s work; and
Who you listen to.
Today, let’s look at the first factor: people.
It’s typically the most controversial topic, and can make you or others feel uncomfortable, so let’s run with it.
From my perspective (and many others) in order to live a big life, you must be deliberate about who you spend your time with. Not in the “What can they do for me?” kind of way, but more like “How do they affect my growth as a person?”
Choosing Your Spouse/Life Partner
For many, the most important person that we choose to associate with (parents are incredibly important, but we don’t choose them) is the spouse/life partner we team up with in order to tackle life together.
I recently had the privilege of hearing remarks by Elaina Cardone, Grant Cardone’s wife, about the significance of spouses. She said that the purpose of a couple is to help push each other toward greatness, and that you show that you truly love someone when you help them hit their goals. I love this description, and am now adopting it myself.
But here’s the catch: to be that spouse who nurtures their significant other to reach their dreams, you need to know what your significant other’s goals are.
Do you?
Have you recently asked your spouse/partner what they seek to get out of life and your relationship? Have you planned out your next few years together? Is it written down where both of you reference it often? Many of us get into these deep conversations before we enter a committed relationship, but everyone’s goals and dreams change over time.
Have you checked back recently?
I know some of you are groaning; more of this touchy-feely stuff? But tamp that down, and just try this goals/dreams exercise anyway. Have the talk. Just do it. Ignore all your limiting beliefs, because doing it might put you on a better path toward the big life you want.
The fact is, the process of planning, of doing some critical, intentional thinking, together as a couple, is incredibly powerful to get you both in alignment. Brittany and I do it regularly, and it’s amazing how much energy it gives us both. This open-eyed conversation could build up, and even save your relationship. A proper examination of your life, done with the person you love most, can be the motivation you need to change anything and everything.
Choosing Others Who Get a Seat at Your Table
Whom we choose as the other important people in our lives, from friends and family to colleagues, is among the biggest influence on our behaviors, attitudes, and results.
Self-made millionaire and motivational speaker Jim Rohn says that we are the average of the five people we spend the most time with.
Indeed, your health and happiness is likely to be the average of the five people you spend the most time with.
And the authors of Tribe of Millionaires look at it from a business/financial perspective: you earn the average of the average of the five people you spend the most time with. (You might test out this idea by writing down whom you spend your time with, calculating their incomes, and then averaging them out. Is it close to your average?)
Whether talking about your growth as a person or your growth as an entrepreneur, the people you surround yourself with have a huge impact. So, you have to be intentional about whom that is.
Everyone in your life, including family members, must earn a seat at your table. That doesn’t mean they must be wealthy, well-connected, pious, highly educated, etc., etc.
But they do need to be supportive — or at least not negative — about what you set as your goals.
If someone close to you is constantly discouraging, dispiriting, and draining, that impacts your attitude and ability to gain the clarity you need to meet your big life goals. So, if someone in your life fits that description, and you can’t enlist them to be more supportive, even if you’re able to show how your goals can help them accomplish their own, you may need stop inviting them to your table.
You may even need to pick your feet up and get to a new table yourself. Because one person who is important to you, but simply not on board with your goals, could have the power to pull you back down into mediocrity.
This reality means you must create some standards for choosing who to bring into your inner sanctum.
Do they lack principles? Are they derogatory toward others? Are they quitters or cheaters? Do they live by a victim mentality? Are they bad role models for specific goals you might have, such as fitness, healthy lifestyle or limiting spending?
Of course, you don’t necessarily have to totally cut the less supportive people from your life, but you certainly must consider at least limiting your exposure to those who bring you down and appeal to your weaknesses instead of your strengths.
On the flip side, try to fill your table with those who are the type of person you aspire to be, living the type of lifestyle that you want, too. People who root for you and support your goals. People who may challenge you, even make you think twice, but ultimately share your mindset and help you get what you want out of life.
When your life is filled with those positive people, everything becomes easier.
Instead of nonstop resistance, you have support, and can begin to think bigger. In fact, you know that you have the right “Top 5” when they hold you accountable, have encouraged you to adopt bigger and better standards, and take bigger actions with bigger results, leading to a life with more fulfillment.
What do you think? Are you top grading your life? Are you taking time each week to sharpen your axe before you tackle the week?
Because it’s time to gain clarity about your journey and destination. And that starts with the people you choose to have around you.