One of the primary questions we ask our teammates, employees, and independent contractors before they join our organization is this:
"When do you feel most happy?”
Typically, we get a pause, followed by a deep sigh. That's because most of us haven't taken the time to slow down and reflect on what makes us happy. Sometimes we get stuck in the weeds and forget about our priorities, or act out-of-step with them. Maybe we aren't really happy right now, and need to make a change. Maybe we can’t remember when we were most happy.
Have we ever really been happy?
Yes, it’s existential and complicated, but it's a really important question to reflect upon. The answer to the happiness question can help give us insight into who they are and what makes them tick - and understanding that is really important in business. Because if we can figure out what, specifically, has caused them to feel happy, we may be able to replicate the experience more frequently - and that gives us clues on how to treat and reward those we work alongside. But we all know happiness is fleeting.
So, perhaps we should expand our question — A more relevant question would be this:
“When do you feel most fulfilled?”
Fulfillment is a bit different from happiness, although often a component of it. Fulfillment comes when we’re successfully working toward our life's purpose, achieving one of our deepest aspirations. Fulfillment is less fleeting than happiness; it continues with us as a deep satisfaction, a contentment within.
If we can figure out what fulfills us, we are onto something important. This is a much bigger question. And, frankly, most people - and maybe you, too - have no idea how to answer that question.
One way is to go through this layering exercise that I’ve put together after attending numerous personal development seminars around the country.
Layer 1: Identify your strengths.
What are they? Well, as Gallop StrengthFinders teaches us, you know you are operating from your strengths when you experience Ease, Excellence, and Enjoyment from what you are doing.
Ease because the task comes naturally to you.
Excellence because you perform it at a very high level.
Enjoyment because you like doing it.
If figuring your strengths out yourself isn’t working, try using a third party like a Gallop StrengthFinders Coach. They charge for the privilege, but it's worth the small investment because when you operate from your strengths, you maximize your impact and keep your energy high. FYI - StrengthsFinders is the best personal investment I’ve ever made (and trust that perhaps one day Strengths will be taught in public schools).
Layer 2: Identify your life's mission.
When you can match your strengths and your purpose toward your life's mission, you are on your way to that all-important fulfillment. That's the big win-win.
I am aware that by now you may be rolling your eyes because, well, how do you know what your life's mission is?
That’s not an easy dive (and it can change over time), so let me share my own journey toward finding life’s purpose as an example.
I hate seeing people broke. I hate when people make bad money decisions (trust me, I've made plenty of mistakes myself, and I don't want you to do it, too) and end up penniless. I hate seeing someone on the side of the street holding up a sign that they need food. I can’t stand hearing someone say they're having trouble paying the bills. I especially get pissed off when I see people working so hard and making next to nothing. It bothers me to my core. I just know there has to be another way, and I am driven by that conviction.
So, a good way to identify your life’s mission may be to figure out what really, really pisses you off.
For me, my strengths are Focus, Command, Competition, Activator, and Futuristic - and I have a passion specifically for real estate. And, what pisses me off is especially hard-working people being broke.
When I put the the three together, I discover that I am most fulfilled – when I use my strengths in the real estate field to help others become financially successful.
More specifically, I am fulfilled when I help others build wealth through real estate. That's why I get up in the morning with a fire in my belly. It's the mission. If I can help even one person turn the ship around, make better decisions, and head in the right direction, that's a win for me.
Layer 3: Associate with others who operate with the same values and level of competence, and preferably share your mission, to help you keep up the focus and energy required to accomplish the goals that fulfill you.
The fact is, achieving your mission will not be easy. It will be physically and emotionally draining to stay centered, energized, and motivated. So, having others around you who share your enthusiasm, if not your specific mission, will help you fulfill your goal.
That is why my wife, Brittany, and I decided to be very, very selective in deciding which agents to partner with at Momentum Realty, the brokerage that we founded in January 2020, and that Brittany now runs as sole owner and broker. We developed a rigorous screening process to ensure that the people we surrounded ourselves with shared our upbeat attitude, commitment to the highest level of service, and our growth and Big Life mindset.
Although the Momentum tribe is smaller than it could have been – we have declined to associate with more than 35% of the agents who sought to join – the tribe we have is a solid, no-drama, uplifting group eager to encourage each other and share their communal wisdom. That’s exactly the type of atmosphere conducive to achieving your life mission.
You must be selective of who you go on your life’s journey with. You cannot help and work with everyone, and not everyone wants help or to work with you.
For those who love lists, here’s the recap for the questions to answer on the way to finding your fulfillment:
What are your strengths? (When have you experienced Ease, Excellence, and Enjoyment?)
What is your mission? What bothers you to your core, and makes you feel driven to see it changed?
Who should you work with to build and maintain the focus and energy you need in order to accomplish your mission?
Many of us go through life not reflecting on these incredibly important topics. I don't blame anyone; unfortunately, they don't teach us this stuff in school. (They should, but I’ll leave that to another post.) But when you get these truths figured out, you're well on your way to happiness – even fulfillment!
I invite you to share in the comments your thoughts on this approach, and your own answers to the three fulfillment/happiness questions.