The Likability Factor When Seeking a Mentor

-> From Failure to Success.

Are you likable? What does likable mean? And, does it really matter?

Actually, yes.

Viewed simply from the perspective of self-interest (we won’t get into the societal/psychological aspects here), being likable increases the chances that others will want to help you on your journey.

For example, what if the right teacher/mentor is there in front of you – equipped with the experience and know-how you really need to learn -- but doesn't want to spend the time and effort to teach you simply because you are “difficult.” As in difficult to work with, to teach, to reach. Argumentative, resistant to change, a big head, a know-it-all, unappreciative, and just, well, not likable.

If any of this hits home, you are going to have a hard time living life to your true potential if you don’t learn some interpersonal skills.

This is something they don’t -- but should -- teach in school: developing the self-awareness to evaluate how you treat the people you ask to invest their time and effort in you.

How do you become teachable, coachable? How do you become someone who deserves to have another invest in you?

I know about this first hand. In my first job, I was not someone who could be helped. Whether it was because of my inflated ego or a failure to respect other people’s time, I felt entitled to getting others’ help. Even worse, I wasn't even aware that I had this bad attitude. And that's why I flat-out failed.

Some time and soul-searching later, at my next job, I made it my mission to become someone who was extremely coachable, a person whom others would WANT to work with.

What a difference!

I cultivated relationships with managing partners who enjoyed spending time with me, just as I did with them. I learned a lot, I gave back a lot, and eventually those relationships helped me to earn a lot. More importantly, I was so much happier with the more humble, more likable person I had become, better able to pursue my passion for growth by learning from others smarter and better than me. 

That journey was life changing. Through it, I learned these personal practices for working with mentors/teachers/coaches that I still implement today:

1. Always Be on Time.

This is a basic sign of respect. No mentor will tolerate someone being late or not communicating effectively about delays. You may only have one opportunity to earn time with a mentor, so don’t blow it by showing up late.

2. Come Prepared.

Another basic demonstration of respect for your mentor. Figure out exactly what you hope to get out of the mentoring relationship before you engage, and then convey that clearly (and frequently) to your mentor. The more clarity you have, the better.

Mentors only want to work with people who know what they want.

3. Express Gratitude.  

When you do get time from a mentor, thank them, and be sincere about it. Perhaps even send a gift of gratitude. A sincere thank you can go a very, very long way.

4. Get Results and Share Them.

When you learn something valuable from your mentor, implement on it. Then, when it works, report that success back to your mentor, debrief them in an intelligent and thoughtful way, so that they know what they’ve taught you is making a difference.

Learning simply for the sake of learning is useless, and mentors know that. Mentors want to teach those who execute; they want to be able to see the results.

Virtually all mentors/teachers get great satisfaction from knowing they have helped another person succeed.

5. Before You Ask A Question, Be Resourceful.

Think – and be proactive -- before you turn to your mentor with questions. Did you first diligently try to find the answer yourself? You should have. Frankly, why would a mentor spend time trying to help you if you haven't spent the time yourself to be resourceful?

And, have you framed a specific question to ask?  Because vague texts simply saying: "Can you talk?" or "Are you available?" are annoying.  

Typically, mentors are busy; you must earn the right to their time. So, if you are going to contact them, spit it out: What is the question you have? Even if the mentor isn’t immediately available, they have a heads-up to consider your question before responding.

Here are some guidelines for asking questions of your mentor:

• State what your problem is specifically.

• State the solutions you've researched to the problem.

• State what you're unclear about and why.

• Ask your mentor what they feel you are missing.

• Thank them for their feedback.

• Implement.

Your mentor/coach/teacher is out there.  So, start working on how you can become more teachable, more coachable, more likable.

Then go forth and find that person who can help you change your life!